Great Quotes
"I thought that I had to be deeper, more intellectual. Tony made me feel comfortable [being myself] again."--Jessica Simpson
-The notoriously ditzy bombshell maintains that her Dallas Cowboys quarterback boyfriend likes her that way.
"That's hockey. You never know what's going to happen. It's a tough sport. No tooth, a broken nose, but I'm looking good [laughs]."
-Alexander Ovechkin
"This year will be different because I won't be caught up looking at all the stars in the stands. Well, unless I see Beyonce out there."
-Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas on the NBA All-Star Game in Las Vegas
"We want to win all games. When you win, you have good feelings. When you lose, it feels like someone died."
-Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin
"I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.
"I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
-Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder confessed he didn't know that people spoke English in London
"Officials are the only guys who can rob you and then get a police escort out of the stadium."
-Ron Bolton
"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such."
-Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
"The 49ers, Packers and Cowboys are all 2-0, and OJ Simpson is in jail......doesn’t it feel like the mid 90s?
--Tony Kornheiser
"It is one thing to excel, to be fast, to be flexible, to be strong, to endure. It is quite another to do all of that while being hit in the face."
-UFC champ Chuck Liddell, from ESPN mag article
"Have you heard about this guy who paid $2.5 million to buy commercial time to propose? I'm going to offer my advice to this man right now: Don't do it. She might say no on national TV. Don't do it, bro. I've got a bad feeling about this."
-Shaquille O'Neil
"I'm 8 for 8" on shots of more than 30 feet. I don't know why this is a surprise to you guys now. That's an easy shot for me."
-Gilbert Arenas
"If he's not happy I'm going to punch him. He's fine. He's happy."
-Melvin Mora's response when he was asked if he thought Miguel Tejada was happy.
"I eat gunpowder twice a day now. As long as I'm on this gunpowder, I think I'm going to be all right."
-Clinton Portis
"In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base."
-Ken Harrelson
"Dude, I beat myself last year."
-Chris Cooley talking fantasy after his three-touchdown game against Dallas
"Guillen also told Couch that he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago."
-Ozzie Guillen on being criticized for calling Jay Mariotti a fag
“I think it’s like throwing cookies at the Cookie Monster.”
-Rob Neyer, of ESPN.com, when asked his opinion of San Diego fans throwing syringes at Bonds on opening day
"When you can have [Jared] Jeffries take the ball out of bounds, dribble the length of the court and dunk it down, that'll give you an indication of our defense."
-Knicks Coach Larry Brown
"Don't make this team out to be the best thing since Rice Krispies...just do your job."
-Former Gonzaga and Carroll Head Coach Maus Collins
"The only time I want to talk to a woman when I'm naked is if I'm on top of her or she's on top of me."
-Former Tigers pitcher Jack Morris on female sportswriters
"Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans. Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they're going to be gray and old. ... And as soon as they realize that those three guys are not coming through the door, the better this town will be for all of us. ... All this negativity that's in this town sucks."
-Rick Pitino
"They can do whatever they want. I'll still be eating steak every night."
-Von Hayes on Philly fans booing him
"Just when they think they got all the answers, I change the questions."
-Roddy Piper
"Well, that kind of puts a damper on even a Yankees win."
-Phil Rizzuto after hearing about Pope Paul VI's death
"This is A.C.! I got O.J. in the car! (pause) This is A.C.! You know who this is, ---dammit!"
-Al Cowlings
"That's what they get for building a stadium on the ocean."
-Oil Can Boyd, after a game was fogged out in Cleveland
"Relax. We've been playing these guys for 80 years. They're never gonna beat us."
-Yogi Berra to Bernie Williams during the 1999 ALCS
"Those fans who are booing me now will be cheering for me when I record the final out in the World Series"
-Bob Stanley, April 1986
"I have three rules which I live by: Never get less than 12 hours sleep, never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city, and never go near a lady with a tattoo of a dagger on her hand. Now you stick with that, and everything else is cream cheese."
-The basketball coach in "Teen Wolf
"I'm just here to play and win. I'm a gangster. I'm still here. I'm here to win. I'm here to help this team win for 2005."
-Manny Ramirez Ramirez about four hours before the 4 p.m. trade deadline.
"The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three-run homers."
-Earl Weaver
"Right now, I think the situation is a little like a Bruce Lee movie without a fight. He's got the star power, but there hasn't been the payoff."
-Alexi Lalas about the possibility of New York/New Jersey acquiring teenager Freddy Adu.
"The batter, Jason Giambi, called time. I stepped off the rubber. You could hear the Yankee bench yelling "Balk." Once you get hit for it once, the umpires look for it. That was a bogus call. I was deliberating whether to put [home plate umpire Foster] in the Cobra Clutch. It was a great game until that happened."
-Oriole pitcher Steve Kline on getting called for a balk
"I've realized, at this stage in my life, there's nothing wrong with backing down. You can set a good example that you don't have to throw blows or be belligerent to get your point across. You can disarm (people) with words. I probably have a 20,000-word vocabulary. I'll match my wits with anyone on literature, science and the arts."
-Mike Tyson
"Isiah Thomas is building a championship team ... too bad it's in San Antonio."
-Charles Barkley on Nazr Mohammed
"I've had to overcome a lot of diversity."
-Drew Gooden discussing his NBA career.
"I've always been competitive, I've always been in sports. I couldn't see myself not being the biggest dope man."
-Nate Newton on selling drugs
"I've taken a lot of crap from a lot of people. Probably more than anybody in the history of this sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn't for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?"
-John Rocker
Close don't count in baseball. Close only counts in horseshoes and grenades.
-Frank Robinson
You can observe a lot just by watching.
-Yogi Berra
"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
-Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record during the '92 season
"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."
-Paul Newman
"I saw what the governor makes. That's like four hands of blackjack."
-Charles Barkley on why he wasn't seriously considering becoming the Governor of Alabama
"He might've won the war, but the battle's not over."
-Cadillac Williams on his friendly competition with Auburn teammate Ronnie Brown, who was picked three spots higher than him in the 2005 NFL Draft
"There are things you can't get in Vancouver, like Cap'n Crunch."
-Former Univ. of MD star,Tony Massenburg, on why he didn't like Vancouver when he played there
"It's better than my wedding ring. You can always get wedding rings."
-Johnny Damon on receiving his 2004 World Series ring
"We'll see how the game goes. If they're scoring, keep feeding them. If they're missing, then I'll do me. That's talent. I'm multitalented. Like Bo Jackson!"
-Gilbert Arenas answering a question about whether he would be a distributor or a scorer against the Bulls tonight.
"He ain't too happy about us being here. So he's just gonna have to suck on it and like it because we're gonna stay here and be an extremely competitive club. We're just gonna come out and pound people. Hopefully next year, they're gonna be on our schedule and we can lay some lumber on them."
-Nationals relief pitcher Joey Eischen on Orioles owner Peter Angelos
``Nothing happens today ain't going to affect July, August, September. Santana calls me every day: 'Man, what y'all do today?' I'm like: 'Man, we ain't did nothing. We're doing the same thing you're doing in Miami, running and working out. You ain't missed nothing.''
-Clinton Portis when asked what he said to the absent Santana Moss
"Hopefully when this gets calmed down and we get these two other Miami guys up here and some of this heat is taken off me, I can slide in there with Snyder and coach Gibbs and ask them if I can miss a week or two. I'll pick up where they left off.''
-Clinton Portis when asked about the whereabouts of Santana Moss and Sean Taylor
"He's going to play his game - he's one of the best players in this league. So you have to adapt your game around his. It's just that simple. If you're a professional basketball player, that's what the word 'pro' stands for."
-Chucky Atkins on Kobe Bryant, immediately after he had called Kobe the GM
"There's Fredo, there's Sonny and there's Michael. The Godfather handed it over to Michael. I have no problem handing it over to Dwyane."
-Shaquille O'Neal on comparing Penny Hardaway and Kobe Bryant to Dwyane
"I had an awful first quarter but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it's not how you start the date, it's how you finish the date."
-Shaquille O'Neal after dropping 30 points in a win over the Knicks on Saturday
"I'm tellin' ya man, to be able to stroke it like that must be some kind of feeling"
-Dick Vitale on J.J. Redick's ability to hit 3's
"Any time I've taken the mound, it's always been the old Samson-and-Goliath story written about me."
-Randy Johnson
"Just picture your favorite guy and put it right through the hole."
-Drew Brees after winning the skills competition at the Pro Bowl.
"It's been kind of hard, I'm labeled as a jerk right now, you know what I mean? But I love it. I've been a jerk all my life. My momma loves this jerk. My kids love this jerk. I'm going to be a jerk in a good way, though. I'm going to be a jerk to the other teams and just go out there and play basketball. I can do that."
-Stephen Jackson
"I loved playing baseball, but sometimes I feel like the gorilla at the zoo. People watch the gorilla, stare at it, point at it, trying to figure out why it's doing what it's doing."
-Jose Canseco, Juiced
"As profound a learning experience as it was, though, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Jail doesn't make you better, it makes you worse."
-Jose Canseco, Juiced
In Tampa, back before the trade, I'd had a foot injury that left me with a little heel problem. But once that healed up, I ran the forty-yard dash in 3.9 seconds. "My God, you're fast," they said, but that didn't get me into the lineup."
-Jose Canseco, Juiced
When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."
-Oiler Coach Bum Phillips
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
-Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
"Baseball been good to me."
-Sammy Sosa
"Sure, there have been deaths and injuries in boxing, but none of them serious."
-Alan Winter
"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out."
-Rodney Dangerfield
"He wants Texas back."
-Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
-Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D
And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
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"But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
-Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books
"It's cold, it's hard and I wanna feel it."
-Ron Jaworski describing a football in cold weather, and why he wouldn't wear gloves.
"It hasn't changed me at all. Obviously I won't go in the stands again, but I'm the same person."
-Stephen Jackson, who was once again suspended by the NBA for berating an official, on what he's learned from the Pistons-Pacers melee
"I feel terrible. I didn't think he had it in him."
-Tracy McGrady after his rottweiler bit a maintenance guy's nose off.
"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok."
-Shaquille O'neal
"Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead."
-Roger Bannister after running the 4-minute mile
"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
-Hank Aaron
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.:
-Michael Jordan
"The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, thats the day you start to the top."
-O.J. Simpson
"When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey."
-Randy Moss
"In my opinion, if we are going to have a good season, we have to put together more back-to-back wins."
-Jim Fassel, 2002, New York Giants coach
"Man....most people don't even understand me when I speak English."
-Fred Smoot asked about learning Chinese
"They say the world is covered by 3 quarters water and 1 quarter smoot."
-Fred Smoot
"They might as well put us on BET, on Christmas Eve, and call it the "We Got Screwed Bowl."
-Fred Smoot after his MSU Bulldogs got snubbed from
"They don't even make socks that cost that much."
-Clinton Portis after being fined $5,000 for a unif
"You know you're having a bad day when the fifth inning rolls around and they drag the warning track."
-MIKE FLANAGAN, 1992
"The word genius isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-JOE THEISMANN, 1992
What can I say? I just tip my hat and call the Yankees my daddy
-Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez
"I may have smoked too much weed, but I wasn't taking drugs or anything."
-Mike Tyson on his loss to Lennox Lewis
"Coming from the University of Miami, I developed really good study habits."
-Jets rookie Jonathan Vilma
"That was just instinct. Kind of like running from the cops, I guess you could say."
-Virginia's Marquis Weeks after a 100-yard kick ret
"You can't give him that cutback lane. He's so fast, and he sees it so well, that's where he makes the majority of his real long runs. He can also run away from you if he gets a little bit of crack."
-Steelers assistant Dick LeBeau on Jamal Lewis
"I was never really serious with one team. I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets ... then I got to "Saturday Night Live" where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with. I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox."
-Jimmy Fallon on his favorite baseball team
"If you think I'm a loser, that I'm a bust, that's fine, but you don't know me. I don't have a problem with people thinking I was a bad football player. I wasn't a particularly good pro football player. But I was a great college player, and that's something."
-Ryan Leaf
"It's bad for me because I've never been in jail that long."
-Rafael Furcal on his 21-day jail sentence
"Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There's clothes and shoes. There's also an upcoming book deal that I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize."
-Ron Artest
"I'm hunting for little Mexican girls."
-Karl Malone's reponse at a Lakers-Bucks game
"It will work out, somehow. That's a hell of a duo right there, Marbury, Crawford and Houston."
-Carmelo Anthony assessing the future
"To live like I ain't never lived before. If y'all see me in the news, and I make the news for something that I ain't got no business making it for, don't bash me. Say it was a young guy living."
-Redskins RB Clinton Portis
"I can't put it into words. Playing with a guy, living with a guy, just knowing that every day when I wake up that's something I can count on, that I'm going to be in practice or in a game with Cuttino. Him not being here is going to be tough for me. I don't know what I'm going to wake up for."
-Steve Francis on the Cuttino Mobley trade
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